


The Heart wants.

by Pixiemixieheart



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Hopeful ending I guess?, I hurt my own heart, It was meant to be fluffy I don't know what happened I swear, Multi, Pining, Unrequited Love, Where is my happy ending?, so much unrequietedness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5716909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiemixieheart/pseuds/Pixiemixieheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders is having a bad day. </p><p>Anders wants Hawke. </p><p>Hawke wants Isabella.</p><p>Fenris wants Anders.</p><p>Really its all just a big mess....</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heart wants.

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a birthday fic for a friend. But somehow it went from meant to be fluffy to I don't even know what this is so I think I'll just post it as a oneshot and head to bed. 
> 
> Don't write when you are unable to sleep kids! this is what happens :D

When Anders arrived at the hanged man that evening, he hadn’t expected that by the end of the night he’d be feeling like a right fool. And yet, regardless of expectations that was exactly what had happened. He should have known better.

He _had_ known better.  

Funny how the mind can ignore things it doesn’t agree with. Completely disregarding what it knows to be fact even when it has seen indisputable evidence to the contrary. Even odder still, is how it is able to create a distorted view of reality, twisting events and insignificant details in such a way as to fit the warped fantasy it has created.

_The heart wants what it wants._

Every person in Thedas has heard this at some point in their life. From the miller’s daughter to the sons of Kings. It doesn’t matter if you are Ferelden, Orlesian or even Dalish. This is a saying that is true regardless of origin.

_Is it true though?_

Is it truly the heart that decides what it wants or is it once again the minds doing?

One thing was certain, it was absolutely the heart that _hurt_.

His healer’s brain briefly marvelled at how this muscle in the middle of his chest, whose biological function it was to pump the blood around his body and keep him alive, physically _hurt_ even though there was nothing _wrong_ with it. It continued to serve its function, pumping blood through his veins, not missing a single beat. But the pain….The pain was extraordinary. It simultaneously felt too large to fit in his chest and yet paradoxically hollow.

Constricted. Tight….full to bursting but not whole.

Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes and he hastily wiped away one that escaped with the back of his hand.

"I am a bloody fool. _"_

“Mage.”

Anders didn’t have to look back to know exactly who it was that was addressing him. Fenris’ voice was unmistakeable after all.

“Come to kick a man whilst he’s down, Fenris. That’s cruel, even for you.”

“That is not why I am here.”

“Then _why_ are you here? What possible reason could you have to be at the bloody docks at three in fucking the morning?” Anders asked, standing up from the edge of the pier where he’d been sitting and gazing over the black, turbulent ocean. “For some reason, I don’t think nightly strolls are something you do for fun.”

Fenris took a step closer.

“You were not…yourself when you left Varric’s rooms earlier this evening. The witch was worried and asked that I make certain you returned to your clinic safely.”

Anders blinked.

This was too much.

He’d just had the worst fucking night since Karl he couldn’t...

“You’re joking right. You seriously expect me to believe that the blood mage asked you to check up on the abomination and you _obeyed_ her _?_ ”

Fenris glanced down at the floor, shifting on his feet nervously.

“No.”

“Then what Fenris?! Why are you here? Tell me because I don’t understand why _you_ of all people would take it upon yourself to follow me unless you intended to kill me...” Anders laughed mirthlessly. “That’s it isn’t it? You figured my heart was crushed anyway, maybe this way Justice wouldn’t show himself and it’d be an easy kill.”

 Fenris took another step forward, his steps faltering when he realised Anders had taken a step back.

“You are not a fool, Anders.”

_Wait what?..._

Anders shook his head. The mage was unable to reconcile those words coming from Fenris’ lips. It made no sense. None at all. They weren’t friends. Hell, they weren’t even civil to each other on most days.

“I don’t understand…what?”

“Hawke is wrong to choose the Pirate. But I cannot say that I am sorry. If he is unable to see that she will abandon him as soon as a new ship sails into port, then he is the fool here, not you.”

Anders laughed.

“Maker, for a second there I actually thought you were being serious. Who put you up to this? Fuck, it was Isabella wasn’t it? She wasn’t happy enough just getting Hawke she had to rub it in my face in the most humiliating way possible. Sending _you_ to show me pity. Fuck, you’re all fucking sadists I swear…”

Fenris took the last four steps and grabbed Anders shoulders, shaking him a little.

“Mage, listen to me! That is not what this is. You are not the only one that has feelings for someone that is in love with someone else. You are not the only one that was rejected tonight.”

_Wait, Fenris and Hawke……_

“You’re in love with Hawke?...”

Green eyes met with honey brown, a lyrium etched finger pushed a stray lock of strawberry blonde hair away from Anders eyes and behind his ear.

“No. Not Hawke.” Before Anders even had the chance to say anything else the elf added. “Not Isabella either.”

“Wait, you can’t possibly mean me.”

Fenris smiled sadly, the pain Anders saw reflected in those green eyes mirrored the pain in his own.

“Let me walk you back to your clinic, Anders. It has been an eventful evening and you need rest if you are to  see to your patients in the morning.”

Anders was a coward.

He should have pressed for an answer, but he was afraid of what that answer would be.

What if the answer was yes?

Fenris in love with him? That was madness….

In any case Anders was in love with Hawke.

It didn’t matter.

He was shattered, unable to think, numb to all feelings. He needed to get back to his clinic and tomorrow he could think about what the fuck had happened tonight.

“Alright Fenris. Walk me home.”

_The heart wants what it wants…_

But does it want what is real? Or does it want the fantasy that the mind created?

Regardless of what the heart wanted.

It wasn’t Hawke walking beside him tonight when he needed a friend…It was Fenris.

 


End file.
